Part 17

Part 17

I remember the first and last visit, how my mom act towards Heather; I hope she doesn’t do that again. We walked down a few hallways, through some doors, and pass a few people to get to this colorful room with all types of things hanging. Now this place feels like home, things I can look at to keep busy. Then I see something that’s familiar, I looked at Heather and Mike and started to blow kisses. The picture of a bigger kid that was kissing their mom and I wanted to blow kisses to my parents. Even though they aren’t my blood and they aren’t the ones that gave birth to me, I love them, and they treat me like they treat their own children. Then I hear my mom yelling from across the room,

“My little girl knows how to blow kisses, yall see that? I taught her how to do that, what have yall done?”

I knew right then and there that this was going to be a long visit. This woman has lost her mind, she has seen me maybe four times since I was born a little over three months ago. When she took me from Mike she was squeezing my arm, it was starting to hurt so I let out a small cry but made sure I didn’t show her how I truly felt since the last time I almost hit the floor. She took my pacifier and kept trying to force it in my mouth, no matter how many times I spit it out to cry she shoved it right back in. I watched Heather and Mike walk out of the room and lost it. I know they're coming back, but I don’t want to be here, and she’s hurting my arm. Before I knew it, there was this nice woman that came over and asked to see me so she can find out what’s wrong. My mom wouldn’t let me go and continued to force my pacifier in my mouth to the point of almost choking me at some points. The lady was trying to tell my mom that she was maybe holding me too tight and that I didn’t want the pacifier but that did nothing but make things worse for me.

“This is my daughter, mine; not yours so don’t tell me what she does and doesn’t like.”

She walked slowly over to a chair and kept yelling about something for me to do and that I needed a play area so I can have crawl time, and that I’m crying because I have no toys to play with. The lady didn’t say much else, she sat down and just watched us; I think she knew that I was too young to be crawling. My mom started to fall asleep with me in her arms, I was scared that she was going to lose her grip, and I would go tumbling on the floor. Due to me crying when I first came in, my nose was stopped up and I couldn’t smell anything; but now, I can smell all of the dipper she smoked before she got here. I could smell the liquor on her breath and worst of all, she has my pacifier in the center of her hand. I don’t know if she washed her hands before she took me, but if there’s any PCP on her hands and it gets on my pacifier, the seizures will come not too long after the pacifier touches my mouth. I wanted to cry but knew that if I did, she would force the pacifier in my mouth like she did the first time. I stayed as quiet as I could throughout the rest of the visit, luckily she stayed sleep with me resting on her legs. When Mike and Heather walked in I saw the lady go over to talk to them. After a few minutes both Heather and Mike walked over, Heather gently picked me up, and moved away from my mom. Mike sat next to her trying to wake her up without scaring her, when she finally woke up, she stood to her feet then reached down as if I were still resting on her legs. Handed everything to Mike and walked out without saying a word.

"Ma'am, how are the courts okay with this? Why are they willing to put this child in harms way? It's obvious she's not clean, she was high when we walked in."

"I know and the only thing I can tell you is this, if you allow this to go pass the 90 days from her first court date she'll get her back, clean or not. If you're serious about helping this child you'll need to go to Family Court and file for emergency custody. That will automatically red flag the case and force it to go to the next level, but it's up to you."