Part 10

Part 10

I get to see my mom tomorrow and I'm hoping she's better than the last time I saw her; if she's better, maybe I get to go home with her. I love Mike, Heather, and all of the other kids but, who's going to take care of my mom if I'm not there; she can't take care of herself. If I were there she may make better decisions, maybe we can go through this withdraw thing together. I guess we'll see how today goes before we jump to any conclusions.

Heather picks me out a pretty outfit for my visit, and packs everything I'll need, plus she added a few things for my mom to snack on. Heather and Mike took some pictures of me the other day since I turned a month old, they had them printed out with a pretty boarder, one for their photo album and one for my mom. That's  really nice of them, I hope my mom likes it.

The next morning Mike got me washed up and ready for my visit, he took a picture with his phone, and showed it to me. I think I look very pretty, a pair of colorful tights, a fluffy dress, and a pretty butterfly bow on my head. I didn't sleep well last night, another night of pain and the shakes, but I'll take a nap when they put me in the car, that way I'll be wide awake to play with my mom. Mike gave me a kiss and told me to smile a lot for mommy, then left out for work. Heather was running around making sure she didn't forget anything, while Jessica was focused on feeding me.

Bundled up, strapped in my car seat, and ready to get on the road. It took me all but a few stops before I drifted off to sleep. I could still hear Heather and Jessica talking, even though they were talking low; Heather said she hopes that my mom likes the picture and she was worried because she doesn't want my mom to think they were trying to outdo her. They want to make sure she can have memories of me when I was still a baby baby. Then all of the talking faded out, because I went into a deeper sleep, I was exhausted from the last night.

Heather woke me up because we were finally here, she took me out of my seat, and put a blanket over my face to keep me from getting cold. When we got inside I heard people talking but I wasn't sure what voice belonged to my mom. Heather uncovered my face and this woman was standing there reaching for me, it wasn't until she got closer for me to know who she was. The smell reminds me of a dark place, a place I never wanted to be in again. She didn't smile, she just looked at me; then Heather tried to break the ice by handing her my picture. I knew she would smile then, but she didn't, she placed it face down, didn't say thank you, or even acknowledge Heather was standing there. Not knowing what to do or say, Heather walked out of the room, I could feel that she was upset and that made me upset.

When Heather and Jessica left the building, my mom took off my snowsuit, took some pictures of me with her phone, then made a phone call. We didn't get a chance to spend any time together, she was on her phone talking to someone, she didn't even look in the bag for the snacks that Heather packed for us. When the man came by to tell my mom her visit was over is when she hung up and tried to feed me. The man seemed agitated and told my mom that her visit was over, that she should've thought about feeding, changing, and playing with me instead of being in the phone. She started to yell and scream at him, but he didn't engage in her verbal abuse. I'm not taking his side but he's right, she should've paid me more attention; she hasn't seen me in a little over a month.

Heather and Jessica came back into the building and sat down in the waiting room until my mom brought me out. She had my pacifier in her mouth, took it out, and stuck it in mine. I could taste the smoke from the dipper she must've had before she came. I tried to spit it out but she held it there, so I couldn't. I don't think she knows that all she's doing if feeding me that drug by way of my pacifier or maybe she doesn't care. Walking towards Heather and Jessica, without saying a word my mom dropped me in Heather's lap and walked out. No good bye, not even a hug.