Part 31

Part 31

“So, I’m no longer your Queen? If that’s the case yes, I want you to kill them where they stand; then kill yourself!"

“You’ll always be my Queen, but you’re not being Queen nor lady like right now; so I will refer to you as a Queen when you act like one.”

“Fuck you Leo, the shit I went through was because of you and your bloodline. Yeah, I trusted Abuelo, but when he showed me the real him I believed it. You’re the one that needed to be accepted and was willing to put our lives on the line for him.”

“How was this my fault? I didn’t know he was on the train, but if we did what I said we should’ve done the night you saw him drinking, we wouldn’t have been in this mess. You don’t listen, you never did. You think that you’re always right and that’s what got us in this jam, you didn’t want to listen to me."

“If you were a little more assertive and stern then maybe I would have. Instead you were a pussy and I was more dominate than you and you’re a man.”

“I was a boy, you wanted me to be a man but I couldn’t be something I never seen, something I was never taught to be. The three years I searched for you day in and day out, I learned how to be a man along the way. I came back to get the little scared girl I knew and lost three years ago, so you can learn how to be a woman, how to be a wife.”

We stood there face to face looking into one another’s eyes. I want to scream, I want to completely lose my damn mind on him, because that little scared girl still lives here, but that little scared girl was never scared around him. She loved him, was in love with him; as I am today. I want to let down my wall but it’s not my job to allow him to get me this easy, this is his fault, and I don’t trust him. Abuelo shows up in Miami, in my hospital with syringes of heroin, then King shows up just in time to save me, again. The only one that would’ve been able to help me if Abuelo came my way, is the counselor that’s crotched down in the corner crying.

“How convenient that you showed up just in time to save me. Just when Abuelo found out where I was, drugged my father, and about to drug my mother. How fucking convenient King, so how much did you make by selling me to the highest bidder? How much King!?” Yelling and hitting him.

If they kidnap me again just to sell me off, I’ll kill myself. Everything that I knew was a lie. I stepped over my father and climbed back into bed, asking for everyone to leave or I would scream so security would be called. I wanted to ask Abuelo for the last syringe because I’d rather not be a part of this reality either, but I didn’t. I covered myself and started crying. King pulled Abuelo out of my room by the arm. My parents were spread about, one laying on the floor and the other sitting in the chair higher than I’ve ever seen anyone. I could still hear the counselor sniffling, I turned over, and asked if she could have my room changed, she nodded her head yes, lifted herself out of the corner, and apologized before exiting. I covered my face, wishing I would die in my sleep tonight.

I don’t know when but I faded out, I remember seeing the Police come into my room to remove my parents, followed by the really nice nurse that works late night. She came in with the counselor and injected something into the IV she implanted back into my veins. That’s as far as I could remember. I would wake up from time to time but spent most of my days sleeping, then out of the blue, I start to have the sweats and shakes. My chest started to tighten up, the pain was excruciating; I screamed out for a Doctor because my button wouldn’t work. I couldn’t walk to get to the door. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I already went through withdraw months ago, and haven’t had anything since. The nurses and two Doctors rushed in, I heard the one Doctor telling me that I needed to try to calm down. I put my hand to my throat gesturing that I couldn’t breathe.

“Ms. Petty you have to try to relax, you’re having a panic attack. I need you to think of something peaceful, close your eyes and think of something peaceful. I promise that you’ll be able to breathe easier and the pain will lighten up if you calm down.” Said the Doctor that stood close to me rubbing my arm.

It’s easy for them to say, “if you just relax”. How can I relax when I feel like I’m being squeezed and can’t breathe? I close my eyes, I’m not sure if I did that on my own or if I was on my way to passing out again. I listen to my rapid heartbeat, trying to calm myself. I can hear the doctor tell me to picture something and whatever I do, don’t lose sight of it. She said she is going to count slowly to thirty and when she gets to thirty she wants me to tell her what I see. Still trying to gather myself she starts to count.

“One.”

My mind is racing and I can’t focus on one thing at the moment. I can’t get everything from being so disorganized in my head. It’s like a box of puzzle pieces, all shattered around.

“Two”

Breathing in my nose, out my mouth. Releasing my body, allowing it to be limp and weightless. I hear the soft numbers as she counts, the pieces of this puzzle in my mind starts to come together, and the tightness in my chest loosens up, just a little.

“Fifteen”

The outer portions of the puzzle are connecting showing me a frame of the picture to follow. My chest loosens up even more and it’s a little easier for me to breathe. My body is starting to cool down, my head is no longer filled with a bunch of flashbacks that back flash the negativity.

“Twenty-nine”

Still trying to piece together this picture, my breathing is back to normal, my chest feels a lot better, I’m no longer sweaty, or hot. I open my eyes and the room is no longer spinning. The nurses are standing around me, one Doctor at foot on my bed, and the other still rubbing my arm. They look relieved, smiles glide across their faces, and they start to breathe again.

“What was the picture?” The Doctor ask.

“My King.” Tears started to flow

“Ms. Petty, don’t get yourself worked up or you’re going to have another panic attack. I need you to relax and think only of the positive things when it comes to him.” The Doctor said as she continues to rub my arm.

“Thank you Doctor. Is there a way someone could reach out to him for me? Did he leave a phone number?”

The Doctor gets close to my ear, still rubbing my arm, “He never left sweetheart.”